It’s Lunchtime. Do You Know Where Your Wet Nurse Is?

Last time we talked about why the new breastfeeding doll isn’t all that.

Today let’s think in terms of what this baby could be.

1) A Multicultural Miracle

For generations, little girls of color have been made to carry around dolls that don’t look like them. White-only doll obsession BE GONE! Berjuan Toys, the maker of the breastmilk doll, is ahead of the game.

Little girls interested in a doll of the African-American persuasion can pick up Jeremiah. What a gem he is. I actually looked a lot like Jeremiah when I was born. (Thank God my mother was still drugged.) In fact, most of my black friends looked just like this when they were babies. And even the ones that were lighter in skin color still had those bona fide thick pink lips.

Berjuan got one thing right: black babies have lips the color of watermelon.  Wait a minute—is that Jeremiah’s grandfather in Song of the South? Haha, no. I was just shucking and jiving you.

And for babies who are already scared of black male caricatures in the media, try the black female doll, Jessica. Man, first President Obama, now this? When I say “POST” you say “RACIAL.”

But forget about race. Let’s just say you love white baby dolls (I hope I’m not alone here). You work hard all day, and you certainly don’t need another mouth to feed.  That’s why I propose Berjuan Toys make a few revisions to create:

2) A True Breastfeeding Doll, Complete with Generous, Life-Giving Ducts

Are you with me? The new Jessica would not only come with luscious, dark cocoa skin, she would also come with matching breasts. You would pop off her head, pour your own milk—breast or whole or Yoo-hoo—through her neck into her chest cavity and then latch your baby on.

This is not new. In fact, it’s old. Methinks Napoleon himself had a wet nurse.  And perhaps Don King. I’m actually surprised Berjuan, in all its reliance on historical art, missed this fantastic opportunity to re-invent the past with a twist.

Hey, it’s 2011. It’s time for wet-nurse baby dolls to feed real babies. Not the other way around.

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